Issue Nine: An Audience with Back End Billy
Due to a wealth of information from my sources, some material again has to be put back until further issues including Gerry Lee, the Serial Thursday Night Shopper and “Best Buddies” – the play what I wrote! Also some stuff just is not quality so has to be binned – sorry Gerry Lowe! And with the proposed bus trip to Dublin to watch the A team being sure to provide more libellous material, please inform me in advance if you do not want to be pilloried!
The pairing of the Billy Twins in the Private Greens has had a positive spin off in the Players’ Lounge. Not only has Billy Senior taught Billy Junior the finer points of the game, he has also taught him how to hold his famous post match master classes. After the match against Belfast, “Back End Billy”, as he now wants to be known, was gracious enough to share his wide knowledge of front end bowling, with the assembled masses who had just bought their pints and thus unfortunately could not escape. William Senior would have been so proud. His protégé’s discourse was delivered with consummate ascerbic style. It’s a pity no one took notes to pass on this valuable information to the front end bowlers who were obviously in need of the advice.
Not to be outdone, Tom Kennedy continues to give off the park advice at the away games. Latest beneficiaries of his tuition were Brian Smith and Jim Brankin. Listen and learn from the Master boys.
Overheard at a recent home game:
Too late for last week’s issue: I must inform you that I have to change “Interesting” Gary McWilliams’ nickname to Gary “ Two Coats” Mc Williams. In the middle of the game against Ballymena Park, his wifey arrived with a second waterproof jacket just in case his first one got wet. What a pity she forgot the mittens with the string attached which go up one sleeve, round the neck then down the other sleeve! The inclement weather indeed called for them, didn’t it ……diddums!
In the same vein, Mickey “ Blue Eyes” Corrigan should now be named Mickey “Two Shirts” after playing last weeks game with his Club shirt over his white travelling shirt. Also at the same game Chris Forsythe was unable to extricate himself from his trousers at the end of the game. The volunteers to help him did not queue up I am reliably informed!
Congratulations to Murph for having the cojones to wear the pink wig and collect for cancer. You looked well Murph and if I ever turn, you’ll be the first!!
Which Midweek Team Captain collected the Tea money for last weeks game - £48 in toto- spent a large amount of it in the Club on the night, then when he went to pay the Treasurer with a cheque was told that cheques were awkward to take to the bank? So is/are 4,800 pennies matey!! J
An eerie silence fell on the Club last Saturday as Pat Butler MSc wandered around looking under benches, in the bushes, behind scoreboards. What was he looking for? His voice apparently, which by all accounts was in fine fettle the previous night. He sounded like a castrated ET on helium. Some lower forms even congratulated him on losing it! Hope it comes back Patrick ……….but not just yet!!! J And BTW, the newspaper cutting you tried to hide will be shared with the wider group in the next issue!!
In addition to G/D – Going Direct - another team sheet category is now to be added….G/S - Going Solo!!!!!!!
Just a thought……if Ken the Kestrel is supposed to stop magpies making holes in the pitch, then why is he moved around on a daily basis with his perch making similar holes ?????
Thanks to Dan “Odd Socks” Cregan who rushed to tell me that Harry Sargeant took the field last Thursday with one red and one blue stickered bowl!!! He was like a little kid telling the teacher that his little friend had farted in class.
He did the same after the Midweek game when he scuttled across to tell me that Alan Brown had left the building wearing Francie Murtagh’s shoes. Easy mistake to make big man since his were grey and yours were black!!
Who reverses a car worse than John Paterson’s wife? Answer…. John Patterson!!!! Always better when those who are getting got at actually divulge the information themselves!!! I could also mention inside leg and waist measurements but I won’t! Enjoyed the craic on Tuesday afternoon. Hurry back to the Midweek soon JP!
Ever wonder how the selectors choose teams? The answer lies below!
I was “sub” at a recent Vets match. Herewith the conversation:
Dan C: “ Paul, Have you got your car?”
Paul A: “ Yes Dan!”
Dan C: You’re playing!”
Normally when a bowlist fails to get it up, it simply means that he fails to arrive in the vicinity of the head. Not so Gerry Hanna, member of the Vets A Team. Just as they came from miles around to watch Reginald Molehusband park his car, I could have sold tickets to watch his efforts of raising the flag before a recent game. It nearly took off on several occasions with him chasing it around the pole like a demented Morris Dancer. Great entertainment big man – thanks!!
Until the next smooth delivery…………
Due to a wealth of information from my sources, some material again has to be put back until further issues including Gerry Lee, the Serial Thursday Night Shopper and “Best Buddies” – the play what I wrote! Also some stuff just is not quality so has to be binned – sorry Gerry Lowe! And with the proposed bus trip to Dublin to watch the A team being sure to provide more libellous material, please inform me in advance if you do not want to be pilloried!
The pairing of the Billy Twins in the Private Greens has had a positive spin off in the Players’ Lounge. Not only has Billy Senior taught Billy Junior the finer points of the game, he has also taught him how to hold his famous post match master classes. After the match against Belfast, “Back End Billy”, as he now wants to be known, was gracious enough to share his wide knowledge of front end bowling, with the assembled masses who had just bought their pints and thus unfortunately could not escape. William Senior would have been so proud. His protégé’s discourse was delivered with consummate ascerbic style. It’s a pity no one took notes to pass on this valuable information to the front end bowlers who were obviously in need of the advice.
Not to be outdone, Tom Kennedy continues to give off the park advice at the away games. Latest beneficiaries of his tuition were Brian Smith and Jim Brankin. Listen and learn from the Master boys.
Overheard at a recent home game:
- “Nice green. Who is the Greenkeeper?”
- “Peter McGarrity”
- “Ah yes! He was a fair bowler in his day!”
Too late for last week’s issue: I must inform you that I have to change “Interesting” Gary McWilliams’ nickname to Gary “ Two Coats” Mc Williams. In the middle of the game against Ballymena Park, his wifey arrived with a second waterproof jacket just in case his first one got wet. What a pity she forgot the mittens with the string attached which go up one sleeve, round the neck then down the other sleeve! The inclement weather indeed called for them, didn’t it ……diddums!
In the same vein, Mickey “ Blue Eyes” Corrigan should now be named Mickey “Two Shirts” after playing last weeks game with his Club shirt over his white travelling shirt. Also at the same game Chris Forsythe was unable to extricate himself from his trousers at the end of the game. The volunteers to help him did not queue up I am reliably informed!
Congratulations to Murph for having the cojones to wear the pink wig and collect for cancer. You looked well Murph and if I ever turn, you’ll be the first!!
Which Midweek Team Captain collected the Tea money for last weeks game - £48 in toto- spent a large amount of it in the Club on the night, then when he went to pay the Treasurer with a cheque was told that cheques were awkward to take to the bank? So is/are 4,800 pennies matey!! J
An eerie silence fell on the Club last Saturday as Pat Butler MSc wandered around looking under benches, in the bushes, behind scoreboards. What was he looking for? His voice apparently, which by all accounts was in fine fettle the previous night. He sounded like a castrated ET on helium. Some lower forms even congratulated him on losing it! Hope it comes back Patrick ……….but not just yet!!! J And BTW, the newspaper cutting you tried to hide will be shared with the wider group in the next issue!!
In addition to G/D – Going Direct - another team sheet category is now to be added….G/S - Going Solo!!!!!!!
Just a thought……if Ken the Kestrel is supposed to stop magpies making holes in the pitch, then why is he moved around on a daily basis with his perch making similar holes ?????
Thanks to Dan “Odd Socks” Cregan who rushed to tell me that Harry Sargeant took the field last Thursday with one red and one blue stickered bowl!!! He was like a little kid telling the teacher that his little friend had farted in class.
He did the same after the Midweek game when he scuttled across to tell me that Alan Brown had left the building wearing Francie Murtagh’s shoes. Easy mistake to make big man since his were grey and yours were black!!
Who reverses a car worse than John Paterson’s wife? Answer…. John Patterson!!!! Always better when those who are getting got at actually divulge the information themselves!!! I could also mention inside leg and waist measurements but I won’t! Enjoyed the craic on Tuesday afternoon. Hurry back to the Midweek soon JP!
Ever wonder how the selectors choose teams? The answer lies below!
I was “sub” at a recent Vets match. Herewith the conversation:
Dan C: “ Paul, Have you got your car?”
Paul A: “ Yes Dan!”
Dan C: You’re playing!”
Normally when a bowlist fails to get it up, it simply means that he fails to arrive in the vicinity of the head. Not so Gerry Hanna, member of the Vets A Team. Just as they came from miles around to watch Reginald Molehusband park his car, I could have sold tickets to watch his efforts of raising the flag before a recent game. It nearly took off on several occasions with him chasing it around the pole like a demented Morris Dancer. Great entertainment big man – thanks!!
Until the next smooth delivery…………