Issue Eight:- The Further Adventures of Niall “ Two Floods” Walsh
Richard Attenborough could do better than to set up stall in the Club and watch the local wildlife while quaffing an adult tincture tastefully poured by Jim Lowe Junior, bespoke barman to those bowlists who choose to drink on the premises. On one of my recent visits, just behind the resident solo bowlist – Mickey “Blue Eyes” Corrigan - two pigeons were seen making baby pigeons on the pitch and the resident Willy Wagtail feasted on the recently sewn grass seed carefully laid down for him by the Greenmeister!!
This leads me neatly into the club’s attempts to get rid of the magpies which inhabit the environs of the pitch and who take to ripping it up in the search for fodder. It was decided to buy a predator decoy and after extensive research, Ken the Kestrel was introduced last Sunday, part courtesy of Adrian Coyle’s fees. It was first positioned on the advertising hoardings at a level which made Fred McCorry duck every time he walked past it so it was decided to hoist it up the smaller of the two flagpoles. Now I am no ornithologist but Ken looks like a cross between Budgie the Helicopter and a mackerel. If a magpie wanted to find out what it was, he would have to fly upside down under it’s arse where a sticker does indeed proclaim that it is a member of the Falco tinnunculus family. It hung on the pole for one day precisely like a sixties swing ball game doing 360 degree turns every time the wind blew. Eventually it was moved to the north east corner of the pitch where the resident feral cat, strolled by it, looked at it quizzically, wondered whether to eat it or jump its bones, then wandered off! Money well spent lads!! We could always re hang it in the jocks dressing room and have it as our Club mascot. Niall Walsh, who as you know is a tad hard of hearing, thought we were talking about cholesterol rather than a kestrel!!
Which again leads me neatly into how the good Mr Walsh, barely one month after flooding his house, nearly did the same thing again. I am indebted to his bride for the following information which for once is not embellished!!! Finding a small leak in the piping upstairs, he decided to get the toolbox and repair it. Now while Niall is a touch bowler par excellence, his hammer and spanner skills are somewhat wanting and he succeeded in causing a monumental egress of water from the aforesaid pinprick of a leak. Now the more literate of you will recall the name of Hans Brinker, the little Dutch boy who saved the whole of the Netherlands from submersion by sticking his finger in a dyke ( no pun intended whatsoever ). Well “Waterboy” Walsh did the same while his wife went to phone the plumber. After she had done so, she brought him up a cup of tea, some toast and the paper lest he get hungry and/or bored and went off shopping!! The plumber took the good Deirdre at her word when she used theBelfast parlance “ wee” leak and presumed it was of miniscule proportions and tended to other jobs plus he necked an all day Ulster Fry before arriving at the Walsh household to find the good Niall prostrate on the floor holding back the waters with his dextral digit. He did not know whether to fix the leak or call for an ambulance as Niall had put his back out after lying in the same position for two hours.
Which Midweek player arrived for the last home game wearing two odd socks?
Which Parkers Bowler is taking time out to do hand exercises?
Which solo bowlist is fond of Alton Towers and why?
Until the next smooth delivery…………..
PS Pat Butler MSc has asked me to ensure that my messing up of the cards against Magheradroll last week should be noted on the blog! No problem Pat! Duly done. Always willing to put hands up when I am wrong and to take it just as well as I can dish it out. No one was killed, nobody lost points, so all in all I got off lightly.
Yours as ever Paul Anthony BA, MA, MEd, DipEd, PGDCSE, Cert TEFL, FHEA
Richard Attenborough could do better than to set up stall in the Club and watch the local wildlife while quaffing an adult tincture tastefully poured by Jim Lowe Junior, bespoke barman to those bowlists who choose to drink on the premises. On one of my recent visits, just behind the resident solo bowlist – Mickey “Blue Eyes” Corrigan - two pigeons were seen making baby pigeons on the pitch and the resident Willy Wagtail feasted on the recently sewn grass seed carefully laid down for him by the Greenmeister!!
This leads me neatly into the club’s attempts to get rid of the magpies which inhabit the environs of the pitch and who take to ripping it up in the search for fodder. It was decided to buy a predator decoy and after extensive research, Ken the Kestrel was introduced last Sunday, part courtesy of Adrian Coyle’s fees. It was first positioned on the advertising hoardings at a level which made Fred McCorry duck every time he walked past it so it was decided to hoist it up the smaller of the two flagpoles. Now I am no ornithologist but Ken looks like a cross between Budgie the Helicopter and a mackerel. If a magpie wanted to find out what it was, he would have to fly upside down under it’s arse where a sticker does indeed proclaim that it is a member of the Falco tinnunculus family. It hung on the pole for one day precisely like a sixties swing ball game doing 360 degree turns every time the wind blew. Eventually it was moved to the north east corner of the pitch where the resident feral cat, strolled by it, looked at it quizzically, wondered whether to eat it or jump its bones, then wandered off! Money well spent lads!! We could always re hang it in the jocks dressing room and have it as our Club mascot. Niall Walsh, who as you know is a tad hard of hearing, thought we were talking about cholesterol rather than a kestrel!!
Which again leads me neatly into how the good Mr Walsh, barely one month after flooding his house, nearly did the same thing again. I am indebted to his bride for the following information which for once is not embellished!!! Finding a small leak in the piping upstairs, he decided to get the toolbox and repair it. Now while Niall is a touch bowler par excellence, his hammer and spanner skills are somewhat wanting and he succeeded in causing a monumental egress of water from the aforesaid pinprick of a leak. Now the more literate of you will recall the name of Hans Brinker, the little Dutch boy who saved the whole of the Netherlands from submersion by sticking his finger in a dyke ( no pun intended whatsoever ). Well “Waterboy” Walsh did the same while his wife went to phone the plumber. After she had done so, she brought him up a cup of tea, some toast and the paper lest he get hungry and/or bored and went off shopping!! The plumber took the good Deirdre at her word when she used theBelfast parlance “ wee” leak and presumed it was of miniscule proportions and tended to other jobs plus he necked an all day Ulster Fry before arriving at the Walsh household to find the good Niall prostrate on the floor holding back the waters with his dextral digit. He did not know whether to fix the leak or call for an ambulance as Niall had put his back out after lying in the same position for two hours.
Which Midweek player arrived for the last home game wearing two odd socks?
Which Parkers Bowler is taking time out to do hand exercises?
Which solo bowlist is fond of Alton Towers and why?
Until the next smooth delivery…………..
PS Pat Butler MSc has asked me to ensure that my messing up of the cards against Magheradroll last week should be noted on the blog! No problem Pat! Duly done. Always willing to put hands up when I am wrong and to take it just as well as I can dish it out. No one was killed, nobody lost points, so all in all I got off lightly.
Yours as ever Paul Anthony BA, MA, MEd, DipEd, PGDCSE, Cert TEFL, FHEA