Issue Twenty: And Tonight The Winner is…………..
Which - male bowler arrived on the green with part of his well honed six pack showing and made one of the girlies go so peculiar that she had to ask him to cover up?
Reasons why – it is better to be a girlie bowler…………………
Their locker room smells nicer. At least there is an improvement in ours this year as Gerry Carson has not been spraying his industrial strength “Horn” aftershave around!
They have covers for their scorecards which means they are returned to their Captains in pristine condition. When I get mine returned from my bunch, they are a crumpled mass, covered in chewing gum and God knows what else and they have been filled in with bookies pens and the occasional Argos pencil.
They do not kick bowls out of the head but set them down neatly on bowling cloths which incidentally are not the beer stained bar cloths that most of my cowboys use.
They have nicer post match teas with tablecloths and flowers.
By playing their games in the afternoons, they teach their husbands, in a subtle way to cook for themselves.
They kiss their opponents at the end of a game.
But ladies…how can you make a game last four hours!!!!
And talking of Ladies…….which midweek bowler borrows his wife’s umbrella to play when it is all wetty poo! Michael McCarney - that’s who!
……………
Will – Liam Trainor be Clubman of the year?
Not a good week – for shoes. Dicky Dryesdale attempted to leave the Club in his stocking feet while I attempted to escape from Carrickfergus in my dainty white bowling shoes!! Thanks to Gerry “The Braces” Hanna for reminding me. Pity he could not remind himself to take his Club jacket as he left!!
Who are Connie Francis’ biggest fans? Jim Lowe and Gerry Lee that’s who!!! Apparently their singing of her favourite hits on the way home from a recent away game drove the birds from the trees!!! And do not smirk Harry “Three Stripes”! It is rumoured that you provided a syncopated backbeat for the funky duo!!
Opposition bowler – “ Are you still in any of the cups?”
A Team Luminary – “Nope outta them all!”
Opposition Bowler – “Thought you were in the Midweek Cup Final”
A Team Luminary – Oh Yeah…….that!”
And………posted on the Club Facebook site on Wednesday, an exhortation by the Hon Sec to come and support the team in the final that night. Funny…I thought the game was on Thursday!!!!
Nuff said!!!! L
And BTW we lost by a handful of shots. Still it’s not every day us Midweekers get the chance to play against so many Junior Team players – a true privilege gentlemen. Enjoy your Cup! J
And while – we are on Hon Secs, which Hon Sec and his rink almost did a lap of honour when they got a very unlikely wick to trail the jack.
The following - is taken from an overheard telephone conversation to the wife of a fellow Club member: “ Hello my name is Alan Brown and I am a bowler”. Don’t tell lies laddie!!
This Week’s Competition:- As I was driving Clubwards down Finaghy Road North recently, I espied one of those pretentious people in front of me with a personalised number plate. This is one of the myriad of things that gets on my doobies. I followed the car down past Ladbrokes Bookies ( where Daniel Cregan Esq goes in to complain on a daily basis – last time it was about burning bins – but I digress! ) and was horrified to see that it swung into Falls Bowling Establishment. Now………..who is the member with the inflated sense of importance/ego and wallet? The usual prize of a refreshing beverage awaits the first correct answer.
I’ll bet none of you – with the possible exception of the Greenmeister and Liam Trainor have ever heard of lateral grasses? These are the side shoots of the plant which never get caught by a cylinder mower and which die off and contribute to the thatch layer as well as leaving a bobbly mat on the surface. Cleaning out these laterals will help smooth the surface, and in time should give a uniform playing surface as well as increasing green speed without having to sacrifice height of cut. Just thought I’d let the purists know
As the season draws to a close, so does my time as Blogmeister. It has been a very enjoyable two years and it has been a pleasure to do. I know it is not always to everyone’s taste and some of my creativity has had to be censored but I think it shows we are not a stuffy bowling club and most of us can laugh at ourselves on occasion. Remember I was given a brief to issue stuff which was to be “the ramblings of a mad man”. I can now return to sanity and be Mr. Boring again!
In addition to “In the Ditch”, I also did the forerunner which was the Midweek Blog for two years previously so I feel I deserve a rest. The wordage over the season has been in the region of twenty thousand which is a lot and in that time I was unable to devote any time to my second passion after bowls which is as you know by now, my writing. Perhaps “Curious” or “JBW” might like to consider taking over the mantle next year or the acerbic Liam T?? My thanks to the aforesaid trio for contributing to the Comments section and also others including the General and Backend Brendan.
.
And finally –
The Annual In The Ditch Awards 2013
Trooper of the Year: Niall Walsh
Best Friends: Winners:- Jim McCormack and Liam Trainor
Runners Up:- Jim McCormack and Sean Magorrian
Third Place:- Jim McCormack and everybody else
Special Commendation:- Dan Cregan and Pat McClean
Best Coach:- Winner:- The Ulsterbus Coastliner Service 252 to Giant’s Causeway
Runner Up:- Seamus Elliman
Best Sideline Coach:- Winner:- Tom Kennedy
Best Clergyman-: Winner: Brendan Griffin
Runner Up: Father Eugene McCarthy
Team of the Year:- Award witheld
Best Support:-Winners:- Those who travelled to the Midweek Cup semi final/final
Runner Up:- Jock Strap
The Heinz Soup Award – Seamus Elliman
Cleanest Fingernails Award:- Gerry Lee
Burgermeister of the Year:- Gerry Lee
Blackest Hair Award ( natural or dyed ) Winner:- Thomas Marley
Runner Up:- Nick Falvey
Special Commendation:- Gerry Dolan
Best Bird Scarer:- Winner: Mickey “Blue Eyes” Corrigan
Runner Up: Ken the Kestrel
The Liam Laughran Award:- Liam “Who?” Laughran
The Pat Butler MSc Award for Tact-: Winner:- Tom Kennedy
Runner Up:- Liam Trainor
Third Place:_ Liam Trainor
Fourth Place:- Pat Butler MSc
Best Surgical Procedure:- Gerry Carson
Best Supplier of Information for this Column:- Winner:- Pat Butler MSc
Runner Up:- Liam Aldridge
Commendation:- Peter McGarrity
Most Dangerous Man to Have in Anyone’s House:- Niall “Two Floods” Walsh
Most Innovative Use Of A Man:- Deirdre Walsh (for strategy adopted in averting the second flood in the Walsh household)
Longest Suffering Wife:- Deirdre Walsh ( for putting up with the plumbing and navigational skills of the aforesaid Niall )
Best Memory:- Sean Magorrian for his faultless rendition of “ The Streets of New York” – six verses and five minutes and thirty seven seconds delivered in London, Cardiff, en route from Dublin and at all Club sing songs!!!
The Hovis Award for Gourmand of the Year:- Dan “Odd Socks” Cregan
Best Supported Bowler:- Winner:- Gary “Two Coats” McWilliams
Runner Up:- Gary “Two Coats” McWilliams
Eamon Logue Award for Oiliest Lothario:- Winner:-“Passion Wagon” Gilbert
Runner Up:- “Murph” McKeown
Most Innovative Use of a Woman:- Rob “Passion Wagon” Gilbert
The Award for Having the Most Postal Addresses:- Rob “Passion Wagon” Gilbert
The Award for Most Clothes Left Behind at an Away Game:- Chris Forsyth
The Award for Most Clothes Left in the House:- Joint winners Chris Forsyth and Roger “The Bike” Mc Call
The “Grabber” Grant Award For Stealing Someone’s Shoes:- Alan Brown
The Alan Brown Award for All Round Mr. Nice Guy: Martin Parker
The “Sat Nav” Walsh Award For Turning Up
At The Wrong Club For A Match:- Eddie Sheridan and the cast of Cocoon
The Paul McVeigh Award for Coolest Dude:- Roger “The Bike” McCall
Most Sporting Player:- Gerry “Three Chords” Lowe
Most Henpecked Husband:- Mr Maire“Stiffneck” Smith
Best Braces:- Gerry Hanna
Best Selectors: Midweek
Funniest Selectors: Midweek
Most Handsome Selectors:- Midweek
Biggest Crawler: Me ( love you guys!)
The Blogmeister has left the Green! L
Which - male bowler arrived on the green with part of his well honed six pack showing and made one of the girlies go so peculiar that she had to ask him to cover up?
Reasons why – it is better to be a girlie bowler…………………
Their locker room smells nicer. At least there is an improvement in ours this year as Gerry Carson has not been spraying his industrial strength “Horn” aftershave around!
They have covers for their scorecards which means they are returned to their Captains in pristine condition. When I get mine returned from my bunch, they are a crumpled mass, covered in chewing gum and God knows what else and they have been filled in with bookies pens and the occasional Argos pencil.
They do not kick bowls out of the head but set them down neatly on bowling cloths which incidentally are not the beer stained bar cloths that most of my cowboys use.
They have nicer post match teas with tablecloths and flowers.
By playing their games in the afternoons, they teach their husbands, in a subtle way to cook for themselves.
They kiss their opponents at the end of a game.
But ladies…how can you make a game last four hours!!!!
And talking of Ladies…….which midweek bowler borrows his wife’s umbrella to play when it is all wetty poo! Michael McCarney - that’s who!
……………
Will – Liam Trainor be Clubman of the year?
Not a good week – for shoes. Dicky Dryesdale attempted to leave the Club in his stocking feet while I attempted to escape from Carrickfergus in my dainty white bowling shoes!! Thanks to Gerry “The Braces” Hanna for reminding me. Pity he could not remind himself to take his Club jacket as he left!!
Who are Connie Francis’ biggest fans? Jim Lowe and Gerry Lee that’s who!!! Apparently their singing of her favourite hits on the way home from a recent away game drove the birds from the trees!!! And do not smirk Harry “Three Stripes”! It is rumoured that you provided a syncopated backbeat for the funky duo!!
Opposition bowler – “ Are you still in any of the cups?”
A Team Luminary – “Nope outta them all!”
Opposition Bowler – “Thought you were in the Midweek Cup Final”
A Team Luminary – Oh Yeah…….that!”
And………posted on the Club Facebook site on Wednesday, an exhortation by the Hon Sec to come and support the team in the final that night. Funny…I thought the game was on Thursday!!!!
Nuff said!!!! L
And BTW we lost by a handful of shots. Still it’s not every day us Midweekers get the chance to play against so many Junior Team players – a true privilege gentlemen. Enjoy your Cup! J
And while – we are on Hon Secs, which Hon Sec and his rink almost did a lap of honour when they got a very unlikely wick to trail the jack.
The following - is taken from an overheard telephone conversation to the wife of a fellow Club member: “ Hello my name is Alan Brown and I am a bowler”. Don’t tell lies laddie!!
This Week’s Competition:- As I was driving Clubwards down Finaghy Road North recently, I espied one of those pretentious people in front of me with a personalised number plate. This is one of the myriad of things that gets on my doobies. I followed the car down past Ladbrokes Bookies ( where Daniel Cregan Esq goes in to complain on a daily basis – last time it was about burning bins – but I digress! ) and was horrified to see that it swung into Falls Bowling Establishment. Now………..who is the member with the inflated sense of importance/ego and wallet? The usual prize of a refreshing beverage awaits the first correct answer.
I’ll bet none of you – with the possible exception of the Greenmeister and Liam Trainor have ever heard of lateral grasses? These are the side shoots of the plant which never get caught by a cylinder mower and which die off and contribute to the thatch layer as well as leaving a bobbly mat on the surface. Cleaning out these laterals will help smooth the surface, and in time should give a uniform playing surface as well as increasing green speed without having to sacrifice height of cut. Just thought I’d let the purists know
As the season draws to a close, so does my time as Blogmeister. It has been a very enjoyable two years and it has been a pleasure to do. I know it is not always to everyone’s taste and some of my creativity has had to be censored but I think it shows we are not a stuffy bowling club and most of us can laugh at ourselves on occasion. Remember I was given a brief to issue stuff which was to be “the ramblings of a mad man”. I can now return to sanity and be Mr. Boring again!
In addition to “In the Ditch”, I also did the forerunner which was the Midweek Blog for two years previously so I feel I deserve a rest. The wordage over the season has been in the region of twenty thousand which is a lot and in that time I was unable to devote any time to my second passion after bowls which is as you know by now, my writing. Perhaps “Curious” or “JBW” might like to consider taking over the mantle next year or the acerbic Liam T?? My thanks to the aforesaid trio for contributing to the Comments section and also others including the General and Backend Brendan.
.
And finally –
The Annual In The Ditch Awards 2013
Trooper of the Year: Niall Walsh
Best Friends: Winners:- Jim McCormack and Liam Trainor
Runners Up:- Jim McCormack and Sean Magorrian
Third Place:- Jim McCormack and everybody else
Special Commendation:- Dan Cregan and Pat McClean
Best Coach:- Winner:- The Ulsterbus Coastliner Service 252 to Giant’s Causeway
Runner Up:- Seamus Elliman
Best Sideline Coach:- Winner:- Tom Kennedy
Best Clergyman-: Winner: Brendan Griffin
Runner Up: Father Eugene McCarthy
Team of the Year:- Award witheld
Best Support:-Winners:- Those who travelled to the Midweek Cup semi final/final
Runner Up:- Jock Strap
The Heinz Soup Award – Seamus Elliman
Cleanest Fingernails Award:- Gerry Lee
Burgermeister of the Year:- Gerry Lee
Blackest Hair Award ( natural or dyed ) Winner:- Thomas Marley
Runner Up:- Nick Falvey
Special Commendation:- Gerry Dolan
Best Bird Scarer:- Winner: Mickey “Blue Eyes” Corrigan
Runner Up: Ken the Kestrel
The Liam Laughran Award:- Liam “Who?” Laughran
The Pat Butler MSc Award for Tact-: Winner:- Tom Kennedy
Runner Up:- Liam Trainor
Third Place:_ Liam Trainor
Fourth Place:- Pat Butler MSc
Best Surgical Procedure:- Gerry Carson
Best Supplier of Information for this Column:- Winner:- Pat Butler MSc
Runner Up:- Liam Aldridge
Commendation:- Peter McGarrity
Most Dangerous Man to Have in Anyone’s House:- Niall “Two Floods” Walsh
Most Innovative Use Of A Man:- Deirdre Walsh (for strategy adopted in averting the second flood in the Walsh household)
Longest Suffering Wife:- Deirdre Walsh ( for putting up with the plumbing and navigational skills of the aforesaid Niall )
Best Memory:- Sean Magorrian for his faultless rendition of “ The Streets of New York” – six verses and five minutes and thirty seven seconds delivered in London, Cardiff, en route from Dublin and at all Club sing songs!!!
The Hovis Award for Gourmand of the Year:- Dan “Odd Socks” Cregan
Best Supported Bowler:- Winner:- Gary “Two Coats” McWilliams
Runner Up:- Gary “Two Coats” McWilliams
Eamon Logue Award for Oiliest Lothario:- Winner:-“Passion Wagon” Gilbert
Runner Up:- “Murph” McKeown
Most Innovative Use of a Woman:- Rob “Passion Wagon” Gilbert
The Award for Having the Most Postal Addresses:- Rob “Passion Wagon” Gilbert
The Award for Most Clothes Left Behind at an Away Game:- Chris Forsyth
The Award for Most Clothes Left in the House:- Joint winners Chris Forsyth and Roger “The Bike” Mc Call
The “Grabber” Grant Award For Stealing Someone’s Shoes:- Alan Brown
The Alan Brown Award for All Round Mr. Nice Guy: Martin Parker
The “Sat Nav” Walsh Award For Turning Up
At The Wrong Club For A Match:- Eddie Sheridan and the cast of Cocoon
The Paul McVeigh Award for Coolest Dude:- Roger “The Bike” McCall
Most Sporting Player:- Gerry “Three Chords” Lowe
Most Henpecked Husband:- Mr Maire“Stiffneck” Smith
Best Braces:- Gerry Hanna
Best Selectors: Midweek
Funniest Selectors: Midweek
Most Handsome Selectors:- Midweek
Biggest Crawler: Me ( love you guys!)
The Blogmeister has left the Green! L