Issue Seventeen: Three Men and a Storage Box!
How many bowlers – does it take to put together a storage box? The trio pictured took forty one minutes to construct the new mat and jack holdall. I kid you not, Gentleman Jim Copeland at one stage was seen hammering it with a spade!!! Note the Hon Sec is on the phone asking his wife how to decipher the instructions! Those of you old enough to remember the old Bernard Cribbins songs about removal men and hole diggers will appreciate the scenario. Thought I’d forgotten lads eh!
How many bowlers – does it take to put together a storage box? The trio pictured took forty one minutes to construct the new mat and jack holdall. I kid you not, Gentleman Jim Copeland at one stage was seen hammering it with a spade!!! Note the Hon Sec is on the phone asking his wife how to decipher the instructions! Those of you old enough to remember the old Bernard Cribbins songs about removal men and hole diggers will appreciate the scenario. Thought I’d forgotten lads eh!
Congratulations! – to my boys for reaching a second successive Midweek Cup Final. It is be held on August 15th at Belmont – opponents to be decided. Thanks to all those who took the time and trouble to travel to Bangor to support us! It was much appreciated.
Which Greyhound Trainer – trapped quicker than one of his dogs in the semi final and was taken to task by the umpire for foot faulting?
In the past – I have maligned Niall “ Two Floods” Walsh for his navigation skills. They are nothing compared to those of one Patrick Murphy who not only got us lost on the way to Pickie but did the same on the way back. And why is it when you stop to ask for directions, the first person will always be the village idiot and the second two hundred yards further down the road will be his brother!!
When talking – to a male bowler recently about bowling prowess, he questioned my ability. I reminded him that I had won the Mixed Triples for the second time in four years and had reached the final of the Midweek Cup for the second year in succession. He reminded me that these were team accomplishments. Perhaps I should have reminded him that I am also in the finals of the Vets Singles as well J
An Apology - In the Ditch wishes to unreservedly apologise to Chef Gerry Lee for suggesting in the last issue that his hand hygiene was anything less than exemplary. The term “Dirty Nails” was thoughtless, incorrect and was simply used to gain a cheap laugh. There was no risk to anyone at all from eating his burgers. I have made a donation of £9.00 to Club Funds in the form of two large Jamesons which I necked in rapid succession and there was no pleasure taken in the ingestion thereof. This is in lieu of damages to Chef Lee. I hope the matter is now closed. J
Which Club Secretary - was introduced to a much capped Irish International at the Inter Association Event and innocently asked him did he bowl. The priceless reply was “I have been known to throw a few!”
It could only happen - in a Vets internal competition – not only my opponent, but also the marker took a toilet break at the same time!!
Thanks - to Niall Walsh for reminding me that two of his opponents in a recent Vets match were called Matt and Jack
Which - semi retired landscape gardener has a surfeit of home grown strawberries and tried to sell me some. He even offered to bring me “one” in to taste in the hope that I would be won over. Good man – keeping the overheads down by cutting corners on the free samples. What a guy! What a canny entrepreneur! What a stingy SOB!
Which Vets bowler - returned from a recent away game, sat down, removed his day shoes and proceeded to put his bowling shoes back on?
Which wifey – packs her hubby’s mid game snack for him and checks before he leaves the house that he has got his hat and sun cream with him?
Which luminary – needs to chill out more?
Which important Lady Bowler – thinks that one parks directly on top of the white lines in the car park rather than between them! I wouldn’t mind dearie, but you didn’t even try!
Which bowler - apparently brought his “bird” to the Club, but left her outside in the car while he attended to some business! Come on big man show her to us - you know we will not tell of your other exploits!!!
And – be careful what you do in aforesaid car park lads and lasses. When Brendan Rice is not necking pints quicker than Popeye necking spinach in the lounge, he is lurking behind closed curtains in his condo which overlooks the Club
Which – Murtagh brother brought out refreshing water with ice for a couple of the girlies who were playing in an in-house competition while the sixteen males of the B team sweltered in the heat on adjacent rinks without aforesaid water!!
Which - B team bowler has a VPL!!!
Which Vet - who lives in sheltered accommodation left three bags of washing with the super so that she could put them in a machine in the laundry room when one became vacant. When they had not been returned after three days, he went to inquire as to their whereabouts and was told by the janitor that they had been left into the thrift ship as no one had claimed them. Next time laddie, either do your own washing or at least collect it if someone else is doing it for you. I’ll bet you leave your shoes out at night to be cleaned as well!!
Until the next smooth delivery
Which Greyhound Trainer – trapped quicker than one of his dogs in the semi final and was taken to task by the umpire for foot faulting?
In the past – I have maligned Niall “ Two Floods” Walsh for his navigation skills. They are nothing compared to those of one Patrick Murphy who not only got us lost on the way to Pickie but did the same on the way back. And why is it when you stop to ask for directions, the first person will always be the village idiot and the second two hundred yards further down the road will be his brother!!
When talking – to a male bowler recently about bowling prowess, he questioned my ability. I reminded him that I had won the Mixed Triples for the second time in four years and had reached the final of the Midweek Cup for the second year in succession. He reminded me that these were team accomplishments. Perhaps I should have reminded him that I am also in the finals of the Vets Singles as well J
An Apology - In the Ditch wishes to unreservedly apologise to Chef Gerry Lee for suggesting in the last issue that his hand hygiene was anything less than exemplary. The term “Dirty Nails” was thoughtless, incorrect and was simply used to gain a cheap laugh. There was no risk to anyone at all from eating his burgers. I have made a donation of £9.00 to Club Funds in the form of two large Jamesons which I necked in rapid succession and there was no pleasure taken in the ingestion thereof. This is in lieu of damages to Chef Lee. I hope the matter is now closed. J
Which Club Secretary - was introduced to a much capped Irish International at the Inter Association Event and innocently asked him did he bowl. The priceless reply was “I have been known to throw a few!”
It could only happen - in a Vets internal competition – not only my opponent, but also the marker took a toilet break at the same time!!
Thanks - to Niall Walsh for reminding me that two of his opponents in a recent Vets match were called Matt and Jack
Which - semi retired landscape gardener has a surfeit of home grown strawberries and tried to sell me some. He even offered to bring me “one” in to taste in the hope that I would be won over. Good man – keeping the overheads down by cutting corners on the free samples. What a guy! What a canny entrepreneur! What a stingy SOB!
Which Vets bowler - returned from a recent away game, sat down, removed his day shoes and proceeded to put his bowling shoes back on?
Which wifey – packs her hubby’s mid game snack for him and checks before he leaves the house that he has got his hat and sun cream with him?
Which luminary – needs to chill out more?
Which important Lady Bowler – thinks that one parks directly on top of the white lines in the car park rather than between them! I wouldn’t mind dearie, but you didn’t even try!
Which bowler - apparently brought his “bird” to the Club, but left her outside in the car while he attended to some business! Come on big man show her to us - you know we will not tell of your other exploits!!!
And – be careful what you do in aforesaid car park lads and lasses. When Brendan Rice is not necking pints quicker than Popeye necking spinach in the lounge, he is lurking behind closed curtains in his condo which overlooks the Club
Which – Murtagh brother brought out refreshing water with ice for a couple of the girlies who were playing in an in-house competition while the sixteen males of the B team sweltered in the heat on adjacent rinks without aforesaid water!!
Which - B team bowler has a VPL!!!
Which Vet - who lives in sheltered accommodation left three bags of washing with the super so that she could put them in a machine in the laundry room when one became vacant. When they had not been returned after three days, he went to inquire as to their whereabouts and was told by the janitor that they had been left into the thrift ship as no one had claimed them. Next time laddie, either do your own washing or at least collect it if someone else is doing it for you. I’ll bet you leave your shoes out at night to be cleaned as well!!
Until the next smooth delivery