Issue Sixteen:- The Pedestrian, The Driver and the Expletive!!
Before I get into the column proper I just want to make reference to the number of members who have come through illnesses, spells of hospitalisation, have on going illnesses yet still manage to be active members of the Club – hope the rest of us can do it if and when it happens to us – Allez mes braves! J
Enough already….it was Me Me Me who inadvertently wrote on the communal white board with a permanent pen. Yes… someone who has taught and lectured for forty years and I committed the cardinal sin of doing what a novice student would do. Again, no one was killed, no puppies had their heads bitten off, the red button was not pushed….I have cleaned it up and yes I will remember to stick to my own side of the board from now on – I promise………and btw I also cleaned up another notice which was again written in permanent marker, not by my fair hand and also on the wrong side of the board……no need to thank me.
Which - Lady Bowler’s nickname is most apt? As they say in newspapers “according to one source” more than one bowler felt her wrath during the Mixed Triples. And speaking of which……
Good opening - to the Mixed Triples Week. Chef “Dirty Nails” Lee was seen beating the burgers before the opening games. Some said it was in an attempt to flatten them - I suggest that it was in an attempt to kill them. Anyway Chef, mighty fine effort and hearty congrats to you and your little team of line chefs and helpers. Pity you could not have laid on some soup. It is a well known fact that bowlers like their soup J
Mixed Triples Week – gives one a chance to play with and watch fellow bowlers which one might normally not watch/see. Just an observation but the Women’s A Team must really be very good when so many excellent players are on the B team!!
Jim’ll Fix It! – another name for Mixed Triples Week when ordinary bowlers can pretend to be skips! Don’t worry folks, it’s all over now and we can have our proper skips back!! This does not of course apply to Stevie “SN” Smith who will be president one day and I want to keep in with him as he may choose me as his successor. OK Jim Lowe – I know I am not the right sort but then…… who is!!
And keeping the thread going - which bowler – wishes he could write the blog so that he could mention me - several times?????? Listen matey you will get your chance to be involved in the blog very soon!! Do you see what I did there?…..did you??…. did you??
Which bowler - brought tears to the eyes of two women bowlers in the back lounge on the Tuesday of the Mixed Triples!!
How many – Lady Bowlers went out and bought more than one new top for Mixed Triples Week? How many Male Bowlers actually used a second top for the duration of the Week? Exactly!
There is no truth – in the rumour that Mickey Blue Eyes thought that Mixed Triples was a behind closed doors game for consenting adults!!
And your name is?- Whilst I took over the running of the BBQ on the Thursday night my beloved took the orders and as the Lady President approached to collect her order she was asked “ And what is your name?” Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How things can change – over the course of a few hours:-
Scene: McCullough Household morning of Mixed Triples semi final……
Bernadette: Morning Love!
Derek: Morning Yourself!
Bernadette: Would you like a kiss and a cuddle?
Derek: Ah yes! Very clever! Trying to get round me with your womanly charms and sap my strength before the game!
Bernadette: Would you like a full Ulster Fry then?
Derek: Oh I see - trying to fill my stomach so much that I can’t throw a bowl! No thanks
Two hours later………..
Derek: Would you like me to carry your bag off the green?
Bernadette: You unfeeling sod! I can carry my own bag – thank you very much. And BTW, remember the cuddles I promised this morning – you can forget them……forever!”
Another little scenario – “Crying” Cregan attempted to cross the road at the lights at the Club but a cad was sitting on the zebra crossing in a car, on his phone. Danny Boy went up to him and asked if he could move forward so that he could cross. The driver said – and I paraphrase:
“I am awfully sorry old bean but my car is temporarily incapacitated due to a technical malfunction. Much and all as I would like to comply with your request, I am afraid that I am unable to do so and as you can see I am on my portable communication device calling for assistance. If you would be so good as to walk round the back of the vehicle and continue on your travels, it would please me greatly!”
Well I think he said something like that!
Which Lady Bowler - was “shattered” after walking to the Club from Owenvarragh Park – Mrs Rab McCullough – that’s who!” Little tip Marion honey – if you see me with notebook in hand, do not speak to me –less I am short of material, it’s bound to go in!!
Which sniffer - got snuffed at the first annual Paul McVeigh birthday bash???!!
If – Paramedic Pat would like to contact me, I believe you have an interesting video of Liam Trainor. And BTW Liam, nice knees, but surely not on the green?? Could be worse however – I spied a Vet playing on the green on Wednesday morning in his vest. What next? Knotted hankies on head and braces over rolled up chinos? Now that would never do would it JayLowe?
Before I get into the column proper I just want to make reference to the number of members who have come through illnesses, spells of hospitalisation, have on going illnesses yet still manage to be active members of the Club – hope the rest of us can do it if and when it happens to us – Allez mes braves! J
Enough already….it was Me Me Me who inadvertently wrote on the communal white board with a permanent pen. Yes… someone who has taught and lectured for forty years and I committed the cardinal sin of doing what a novice student would do. Again, no one was killed, no puppies had their heads bitten off, the red button was not pushed….I have cleaned it up and yes I will remember to stick to my own side of the board from now on – I promise………and btw I also cleaned up another notice which was again written in permanent marker, not by my fair hand and also on the wrong side of the board……no need to thank me.
Which - Lady Bowler’s nickname is most apt? As they say in newspapers “according to one source” more than one bowler felt her wrath during the Mixed Triples. And speaking of which……
Good opening - to the Mixed Triples Week. Chef “Dirty Nails” Lee was seen beating the burgers before the opening games. Some said it was in an attempt to flatten them - I suggest that it was in an attempt to kill them. Anyway Chef, mighty fine effort and hearty congrats to you and your little team of line chefs and helpers. Pity you could not have laid on some soup. It is a well known fact that bowlers like their soup J
Mixed Triples Week – gives one a chance to play with and watch fellow bowlers which one might normally not watch/see. Just an observation but the Women’s A Team must really be very good when so many excellent players are on the B team!!
Jim’ll Fix It! – another name for Mixed Triples Week when ordinary bowlers can pretend to be skips! Don’t worry folks, it’s all over now and we can have our proper skips back!! This does not of course apply to Stevie “SN” Smith who will be president one day and I want to keep in with him as he may choose me as his successor. OK Jim Lowe – I know I am not the right sort but then…… who is!!
And keeping the thread going - which bowler – wishes he could write the blog so that he could mention me - several times?????? Listen matey you will get your chance to be involved in the blog very soon!! Do you see what I did there?…..did you??…. did you??
Which bowler - brought tears to the eyes of two women bowlers in the back lounge on the Tuesday of the Mixed Triples!!
How many – Lady Bowlers went out and bought more than one new top for Mixed Triples Week? How many Male Bowlers actually used a second top for the duration of the Week? Exactly!
There is no truth – in the rumour that Mickey Blue Eyes thought that Mixed Triples was a behind closed doors game for consenting adults!!
And your name is?- Whilst I took over the running of the BBQ on the Thursday night my beloved took the orders and as the Lady President approached to collect her order she was asked “ And what is your name?” Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How things can change – over the course of a few hours:-
Scene: McCullough Household morning of Mixed Triples semi final……
Bernadette: Morning Love!
Derek: Morning Yourself!
Bernadette: Would you like a kiss and a cuddle?
Derek: Ah yes! Very clever! Trying to get round me with your womanly charms and sap my strength before the game!
Bernadette: Would you like a full Ulster Fry then?
Derek: Oh I see - trying to fill my stomach so much that I can’t throw a bowl! No thanks
Two hours later………..
Derek: Would you like me to carry your bag off the green?
Bernadette: You unfeeling sod! I can carry my own bag – thank you very much. And BTW, remember the cuddles I promised this morning – you can forget them……forever!”
Another little scenario – “Crying” Cregan attempted to cross the road at the lights at the Club but a cad was sitting on the zebra crossing in a car, on his phone. Danny Boy went up to him and asked if he could move forward so that he could cross. The driver said – and I paraphrase:
“I am awfully sorry old bean but my car is temporarily incapacitated due to a technical malfunction. Much and all as I would like to comply with your request, I am afraid that I am unable to do so and as you can see I am on my portable communication device calling for assistance. If you would be so good as to walk round the back of the vehicle and continue on your travels, it would please me greatly!”
Well I think he said something like that!
Which Lady Bowler - was “shattered” after walking to the Club from Owenvarragh Park – Mrs Rab McCullough – that’s who!” Little tip Marion honey – if you see me with notebook in hand, do not speak to me –less I am short of material, it’s bound to go in!!
Which sniffer - got snuffed at the first annual Paul McVeigh birthday bash???!!
If – Paramedic Pat would like to contact me, I believe you have an interesting video of Liam Trainor. And BTW Liam, nice knees, but surely not on the green?? Could be worse however – I spied a Vet playing on the green on Wednesday morning in his vest. What next? Knotted hankies on head and braces over rolled up chinos? Now that would never do would it JayLowe?