Issue Twelve:- The Veteran Bowler and the Smoothies!”
Photo of the Week
Photo of the Week
Mrs Brown: “Dear God Jim, she’s gonna sing another one!”
Mr. Copeland: “Just close your eyes like me Linda, it won’t seem as bad that way!”
Apologies:- for running onto the pitch at the end of the last rink last week – as Midweek Captain - against Pickie and congratulating the final quartet on securing the points with the last bowl of the game. Apparently “we do not do that sort of thing at Falls!” Maybe if we did matey (and you know who you are ) we would create the spirit that would win more games rather than going out onto the green and apologising for our presence. If other teams played with the enthusiasm of the Midweek Team, it might serve them better. I watched the “big boys” play on several occasions recently and it buggers me why, when they are getting beaten, they can still afford to laugh and joke!
And on to lighter matters……..
Which bowler – when offered funeral food after a recent Vets match demanded that it be brought out to the Lounge for him rather than having to go into the big hall and mix with unsavoury sorts!!!
Which bowler – left his rink to don wet gear and returned and tried to play on the neighbouring rink?
Which bowler – when offered a Sainsbury’s Brand Match voucher for £0.01 as a joke accepted it and stowed it away in his wallet with his one pound notes and white fivers? The same bowler fills his fruit salad bowl to overflowing at the self service counter and crams it all in with the lid so that it ends up looking more like a smoothie!!
Which bowler – was seen mincing down the Andersonstown Road with a fluffy white ball of fluff for a dog wearing a diamante collar - the pooch not him! Maybe you can do a Paris Hilton and pop him in your bowling bag at your next away match, Franko!!!
Not to be outdone “Transport” Joe Ferguson arrived on Monday afternoon carrying a pedigree pooch around as it was an Egyptian God. All that was missing was the satin pillow.
Memo to self and interested others:- NEVER call a match between Gerry Hanna and Pat McClean – one hour and fifty one minutes long!
Missed photo opportunity:- Freddie McCorry who could not get his phone camera to work as a magpie grazed underneath Ken the Kestrel.
For new members, I reproduce some bowling terms which you might hear your skip use when you are delivering the bowl
These roughly mean the same thing - crap!” J Hang it there lads - it does get better
And for those of you who are into lightbulb jokes….
Question:-How many bowlers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer:-Sixteen! One skip to change the bulb and fifteen leads, seconds and thirds to hang around and say “ I could do it better if I was skip!!” (original joke – feel free to share!! )
The Girlies’ shirts finally arrived and are getting their airing in the competitions. Ladies you look mighty fine and I will refrain from making the non PC comments that some of the low lifes who frequent the players’ lounge asked me to make.
To the “occasional bowler” who abuses me about the size of my beer gut. It is not due to beer but fine dining and finer wine, normally St Emilion, not Maguigan’s which I presume you think is quality stuff. And BTW your wife does not complain about the self same gut!
Nice touch by John Patterson to have his name tastefully embellished on a blazer badge – as shiny as Liam Trainor’s head. Now it lets you know – and more importantly us - who you are when you forget your name after several brewskies!!! No more getting mistaken for Brendan O’ Carroll now eh wee man!! Good to see you out on the pitch again! Hope you enjoyed your holiday!
I watched Danny Brennan pepper the jack in solo practice last Monday afternoon until he was evicted from the rink by a crowd of up to twelve girlies who stood at the edge of the green giving him menacing looks with arms folded until he was browbeaten into submission and had to leave. What next, putting books and smellies in our locker room? Guys - time to take a stance. We like the smell in our locker room and the only literature that passes the doors is page 3 of the Sun!
I am no big fan of stuffy anachronistic attitudes in Falls BC or any other BC but rules are rules. When asked to wear club colours for games, it should be beholden on everybody to do so – no matter how high esteem you are held in ( in which you are held, for the pedants among you!).
“Thirty Two Shades of Grey!” – the Midweek A and B teams!
You may remember from an earlier column that a respected bowler graciously gave me advice about moving at the head and wandering on to the adjacent rink when I got a tad excited. Only happy to return the favour matey. When you are playing second to my lead, stop wandering around behind the mat ( or is it oche?) when I am attempting to deliver. My peripheral vision picked you up on more than one occasion in our stunning victory over Pickie!! J
Following the hugely successful “Play What I Wrote” in a recent column, I give you a much shorter locker room scenario.
Blogmeister:- ( enters stage left and says with a cheery smile ) “Grand Day”
“A” Team Luminary:- ( looks at notice board then looks at me then continues to look at notice board and says): Nothing!
Congratulations Big Man. You have just made my list! Watch your step! If I can do Eddie “the Onion” McNally, I can easily do you!
Until the next smooth delivery………..
Mr. Copeland: “Just close your eyes like me Linda, it won’t seem as bad that way!”
Apologies:- for running onto the pitch at the end of the last rink last week – as Midweek Captain - against Pickie and congratulating the final quartet on securing the points with the last bowl of the game. Apparently “we do not do that sort of thing at Falls!” Maybe if we did matey (and you know who you are ) we would create the spirit that would win more games rather than going out onto the green and apologising for our presence. If other teams played with the enthusiasm of the Midweek Team, it might serve them better. I watched the “big boys” play on several occasions recently and it buggers me why, when they are getting beaten, they can still afford to laugh and joke!
And on to lighter matters……..
Which bowler – when offered funeral food after a recent Vets match demanded that it be brought out to the Lounge for him rather than having to go into the big hall and mix with unsavoury sorts!!!
Which bowler – left his rink to don wet gear and returned and tried to play on the neighbouring rink?
Which bowler – when offered a Sainsbury’s Brand Match voucher for £0.01 as a joke accepted it and stowed it away in his wallet with his one pound notes and white fivers? The same bowler fills his fruit salad bowl to overflowing at the self service counter and crams it all in with the lid so that it ends up looking more like a smoothie!!
Which bowler – was seen mincing down the Andersonstown Road with a fluffy white ball of fluff for a dog wearing a diamante collar - the pooch not him! Maybe you can do a Paris Hilton and pop him in your bowling bag at your next away match, Franko!!!
Not to be outdone “Transport” Joe Ferguson arrived on Monday afternoon carrying a pedigree pooch around as it was an Egyptian God. All that was missing was the satin pillow.
Memo to self and interested others:- NEVER call a match between Gerry Hanna and Pat McClean – one hour and fifty one minutes long!
Missed photo opportunity:- Freddie McCorry who could not get his phone camera to work as a magpie grazed underneath Ken the Kestrel.
For new members, I reproduce some bowling terms which you might hear your skip use when you are delivering the bowl
- Good back bowl
- You know what you need
- First part’s right
- Put a yard on it
- Take a yard off
- A little bit of each
- A bit robust
- A little more green
- Too much green
- This looks interesting
- Just your weight
These roughly mean the same thing - crap!” J Hang it there lads - it does get better
And for those of you who are into lightbulb jokes….
Question:-How many bowlers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer:-Sixteen! One skip to change the bulb and fifteen leads, seconds and thirds to hang around and say “ I could do it better if I was skip!!” (original joke – feel free to share!! )
The Girlies’ shirts finally arrived and are getting their airing in the competitions. Ladies you look mighty fine and I will refrain from making the non PC comments that some of the low lifes who frequent the players’ lounge asked me to make.
To the “occasional bowler” who abuses me about the size of my beer gut. It is not due to beer but fine dining and finer wine, normally St Emilion, not Maguigan’s which I presume you think is quality stuff. And BTW your wife does not complain about the self same gut!
Nice touch by John Patterson to have his name tastefully embellished on a blazer badge – as shiny as Liam Trainor’s head. Now it lets you know – and more importantly us - who you are when you forget your name after several brewskies!!! No more getting mistaken for Brendan O’ Carroll now eh wee man!! Good to see you out on the pitch again! Hope you enjoyed your holiday!
I watched Danny Brennan pepper the jack in solo practice last Monday afternoon until he was evicted from the rink by a crowd of up to twelve girlies who stood at the edge of the green giving him menacing looks with arms folded until he was browbeaten into submission and had to leave. What next, putting books and smellies in our locker room? Guys - time to take a stance. We like the smell in our locker room and the only literature that passes the doors is page 3 of the Sun!
I am no big fan of stuffy anachronistic attitudes in Falls BC or any other BC but rules are rules. When asked to wear club colours for games, it should be beholden on everybody to do so – no matter how high esteem you are held in ( in which you are held, for the pedants among you!).
“Thirty Two Shades of Grey!” – the Midweek A and B teams!
You may remember from an earlier column that a respected bowler graciously gave me advice about moving at the head and wandering on to the adjacent rink when I got a tad excited. Only happy to return the favour matey. When you are playing second to my lead, stop wandering around behind the mat ( or is it oche?) when I am attempting to deliver. My peripheral vision picked you up on more than one occasion in our stunning victory over Pickie!! J
Following the hugely successful “Play What I Wrote” in a recent column, I give you a much shorter locker room scenario.
Blogmeister:- ( enters stage left and says with a cheery smile ) “Grand Day”
“A” Team Luminary:- ( looks at notice board then looks at me then continues to look at notice board and says): Nothing!
Congratulations Big Man. You have just made my list! Watch your step! If I can do Eddie “the Onion” McNally, I can easily do you!
Until the next smooth delivery………..