Issue One -The Year The Karma Died
Material for the first column of the year is always hard to come by. Fortunately there are always those who let their guard down during the closed season!!
I first have to report on the Social Club AGM (not the Bowling AGM I have to point out!) which provided the best free entertainment this side of the Pecos Mountains. A ring side seat was not needed as the verbals resonated the length and breadth of the hall. Romper Room at its best!
Fortunately heated arguments did not result in anyone being asked to step outside and tempers were soothed by the en masse exodus to the bar afterwards to partake of liquid convivialities generously donated by the Management Committee. And for those members who got involved in the personals, a bit of advice….. try to understand those with whom you have differences, walk a mile in their shoes then you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes!!!
On a more serious note, I will try to ensure that the Management Committee draws up Standing Orders for the next meeting which will ensue that a verbal free for all does not happen again!!
The President’s dinner was a stunning success. But…who asked for his roast beef – medium to well done? Sorry laddie – differential cooking of roast beef joints is not possible but I hope you noticed that the chef specially made the veggies al dente for you ….just the way you like them poopsie coo.
I sat at my table and was pleased to see that the majority of my co diners were not routine wine drinkers which I thought would leave more of that refreshing McGuigan’s tincture for yours truly. I was anticipating a couple of glasses of crisp white with the soup and ditto red with the main course. However, it was not to be. As soon as the starter’s pistol sounded, the bottles were necked quicker than Popeye downing a can of spinach.
“Oh sorry, Paul did you want some?” was not the apology I wanted Mrs Susan Gannon J. Memo to self, next year sit with Dan Cregan, Paul McVeigh and Jim Copeland and four nuns from the Order of the Slightly Bewildered!!
In contrast to the AGM, the reception for the elder statesmen Jim Brankin and Eddie McNally was a joy from start to finish. Decorum was the order of the day and congrats to all involved!
Not to be outdone by the AGM, the Vets do descended into a version of handbags at dawn. Listen lads – feel the love. Chill out. You are vets for Chrissake. You ( and I count myself among you ) have not much time left on this mortal coil. You should be praying for a happy death instead of pushing your BP off the radar.
And as for the Indoor Bowlers and petty politics!!!!! Listen folks its BOWLS not the House of Commons. Get out more – see the real world!!!
Thankfully, little spats in the Club never turn to physical aggression. Why? Because we have discovered a way of channelling pent up feelings into a non aggressive format? What do we do? We write letters!!! Letters to individuals, letters to secretaries, letters to whole playing sections!!! Letters to ourselves!!!
“What do you mean you made love to my wife? How very dare you sir! I’m going to send you a damned good letter. That’ll teach you!!”
Campaigners for the abolition of boxing as a sport could have a field day. Can you imagine Mohammed Ali having written George Foreman a letter instead of beating the crap outta him.
And instead of protesting against the PSNI, both sides here could simply write letters and throw them instead of petrol bombs and other missiles. I think I’ll pass this one on to Sean Magorrian – he might get an OBE for suggesting it!
There now seems to be half the Men’s Bowling section playing at the Stadium during the dark season. And talking of which, which ex butcher with a dodgy heart threw two wrong biases in three ends almost taking the legs out from under an old dear as she waddled down the lane – or is it rink? And thanks be to God these ex Pats conducted themselves with another dollop of decorum at their Christmas Bowling Fest cum Dinner – a pleasure to play with you lads! Congratulations to Frank O’Graham J for winning and Bobby Murray for a splendid display of bowls to reach the final. And PS…..the bowling butcher threw another two wrong biases!!!
A few hardy annuals also weigh in to the Club of a morning for the short mat game. The occasional tea and apple tart seems to manifest itself, especially when the older McCloskey twin is on the mat!
Well done to Doorman Danny for his splendid “Danny’s Grotto” collecting for the needy at Christmas. I would urge him to set up “Danny’s Sandwich and Apple Tart Repository” before the season gets going. Anyone with spare or unwanted aforesaid provender could donate them for Liam Loughran. I bumped into him in the closed season and he sure is missing his post match food fests. Two receptacles like those used for unwanted clothes/bottle banks should do!
Memo to self… when the in house purveyor of fine wines sets up stall again in the car park, be sure to walk away. I am still trying to shift the last bottle!!! I gave one to my son in law for doing a small computer job for me and he brought it back next month when invited over for dinner. The French have a name for it…pis du chat!!
And now to the musings….
Furriest caterpillar of the winter – the one that hibernated under Sean Magorrian’s nose for four weeks in November.
Which ex Parks Captain went for his usual autumnal break to Spain and left his blue, black and Brown bins across the driveway in front of his car to stop the local hoodies driving it away? Sound thinking! I bet that brought your insurance premiums down. And BTW (1)….did they steal the bins instead???
And BTW (2) the aforesaid ex Parks Captain also thought the aforesaid pis du chat wine was a “passable little number!”
Which bowling telephonist has a post graduate qualification?
Which old codger who should be praying for a happy death, bought a new pre owned car with halogen headlights!!! Who do you think you are? Paul McVeigh?
Will Jim McCormack enter the Private Greens with best buddies Liam Trainor and Sean Magorrian?
Whatever happened to the photos of the President’s dinner and the Cardiff trip – no point in taking pics if they do not appear somewhere!! Surely you can do better than the solitary one of my rear as I delivered yet another toucher!!
And talking of Cardiff………….I am reliably informed by Frank O’Graham that Michael McCarney (Jnr) was seen trawling the gay bars of Liverpool in January. The pair had taken their sons over to watch a game of Association Football and while Mr. O’Graham retired with the two children to play a game of Twister in his bedroom, Mincing Michael, obviously still affected by his Cardiff experience ( new readers see an earlier blog ) took off on the pull. Michael…we are here for you son, we can help you with your gender issues. Just ask.
Competition of the week: How could the Club save over £1,000 a year? First correct answer wins a beverage of choice.
My thanks to Pat Butler MSc as ever for passing me on stuff. Most of it unfortunately has to be passed further on for inclusion in the Newsletter as it involves health related matters but one piece deserves mention here. I embellish it of course.
Chris Forsyth apparently had a little procedure which involved a camera being inserted to examine his interior bits. Now to you and me this would be a routine procedure which would have been carried out without further ado. Not our Christopher!
When he heard that a camera was involved, he demanded a director, a dressing room with flowers and fresh fruit, high spec lights, advertising rights and a second unit director who would film from a distance and merge the two takes into a spectacular with music by Adele. He also wanted a cut of the box office takes!!
Sadly the Ladies’ their Black and White Movie Nights have been curtailed after only one session. I have heard that some of the men would like their own movie night, but those suggested by Sean Grant are best left for the front parlour!!
Congratulations to Niall Walsh and his bride for copping a free two week stay in Jury’s hotel in Belfast City Centre. Wanna share with the group how you did it ?? You know how to treat a woman Niall!! Hope you are keeping better.
Stop Press:
The Bowling Committee has decided that the Club flag should only be flown on certain days of the year. This has been met by angry protests by the some sections of the Club as………….
A member of the Ladies Section enraged, caused traffic disruption by trying to turn right into Slemish Way without using indicators. The police, outnumbered, could only stand by and protect innocent passers by.
Liam Loughran went on hunger strike for twenty five seconds.
Material for the first column of the year is always hard to come by. Fortunately there are always those who let their guard down during the closed season!!
I first have to report on the Social Club AGM (not the Bowling AGM I have to point out!) which provided the best free entertainment this side of the Pecos Mountains. A ring side seat was not needed as the verbals resonated the length and breadth of the hall. Romper Room at its best!
Fortunately heated arguments did not result in anyone being asked to step outside and tempers were soothed by the en masse exodus to the bar afterwards to partake of liquid convivialities generously donated by the Management Committee. And for those members who got involved in the personals, a bit of advice….. try to understand those with whom you have differences, walk a mile in their shoes then you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes!!!
On a more serious note, I will try to ensure that the Management Committee draws up Standing Orders for the next meeting which will ensue that a verbal free for all does not happen again!!
The President’s dinner was a stunning success. But…who asked for his roast beef – medium to well done? Sorry laddie – differential cooking of roast beef joints is not possible but I hope you noticed that the chef specially made the veggies al dente for you ….just the way you like them poopsie coo.
I sat at my table and was pleased to see that the majority of my co diners were not routine wine drinkers which I thought would leave more of that refreshing McGuigan’s tincture for yours truly. I was anticipating a couple of glasses of crisp white with the soup and ditto red with the main course. However, it was not to be. As soon as the starter’s pistol sounded, the bottles were necked quicker than Popeye downing a can of spinach.
“Oh sorry, Paul did you want some?” was not the apology I wanted Mrs Susan Gannon J. Memo to self, next year sit with Dan Cregan, Paul McVeigh and Jim Copeland and four nuns from the Order of the Slightly Bewildered!!
In contrast to the AGM, the reception for the elder statesmen Jim Brankin and Eddie McNally was a joy from start to finish. Decorum was the order of the day and congrats to all involved!
Not to be outdone by the AGM, the Vets do descended into a version of handbags at dawn. Listen lads – feel the love. Chill out. You are vets for Chrissake. You ( and I count myself among you ) have not much time left on this mortal coil. You should be praying for a happy death instead of pushing your BP off the radar.
And as for the Indoor Bowlers and petty politics!!!!! Listen folks its BOWLS not the House of Commons. Get out more – see the real world!!!
Thankfully, little spats in the Club never turn to physical aggression. Why? Because we have discovered a way of channelling pent up feelings into a non aggressive format? What do we do? We write letters!!! Letters to individuals, letters to secretaries, letters to whole playing sections!!! Letters to ourselves!!!
“What do you mean you made love to my wife? How very dare you sir! I’m going to send you a damned good letter. That’ll teach you!!”
Campaigners for the abolition of boxing as a sport could have a field day. Can you imagine Mohammed Ali having written George Foreman a letter instead of beating the crap outta him.
And instead of protesting against the PSNI, both sides here could simply write letters and throw them instead of petrol bombs and other missiles. I think I’ll pass this one on to Sean Magorrian – he might get an OBE for suggesting it!
There now seems to be half the Men’s Bowling section playing at the Stadium during the dark season. And talking of which, which ex butcher with a dodgy heart threw two wrong biases in three ends almost taking the legs out from under an old dear as she waddled down the lane – or is it rink? And thanks be to God these ex Pats conducted themselves with another dollop of decorum at their Christmas Bowling Fest cum Dinner – a pleasure to play with you lads! Congratulations to Frank O’Graham J for winning and Bobby Murray for a splendid display of bowls to reach the final. And PS…..the bowling butcher threw another two wrong biases!!!
A few hardy annuals also weigh in to the Club of a morning for the short mat game. The occasional tea and apple tart seems to manifest itself, especially when the older McCloskey twin is on the mat!
Well done to Doorman Danny for his splendid “Danny’s Grotto” collecting for the needy at Christmas. I would urge him to set up “Danny’s Sandwich and Apple Tart Repository” before the season gets going. Anyone with spare or unwanted aforesaid provender could donate them for Liam Loughran. I bumped into him in the closed season and he sure is missing his post match food fests. Two receptacles like those used for unwanted clothes/bottle banks should do!
Memo to self… when the in house purveyor of fine wines sets up stall again in the car park, be sure to walk away. I am still trying to shift the last bottle!!! I gave one to my son in law for doing a small computer job for me and he brought it back next month when invited over for dinner. The French have a name for it…pis du chat!!
And now to the musings….
Furriest caterpillar of the winter – the one that hibernated under Sean Magorrian’s nose for four weeks in November.
Which ex Parks Captain went for his usual autumnal break to Spain and left his blue, black and Brown bins across the driveway in front of his car to stop the local hoodies driving it away? Sound thinking! I bet that brought your insurance premiums down. And BTW (1)….did they steal the bins instead???
And BTW (2) the aforesaid ex Parks Captain also thought the aforesaid pis du chat wine was a “passable little number!”
Which bowling telephonist has a post graduate qualification?
Which old codger who should be praying for a happy death, bought a new pre owned car with halogen headlights!!! Who do you think you are? Paul McVeigh?
Will Jim McCormack enter the Private Greens with best buddies Liam Trainor and Sean Magorrian?
Whatever happened to the photos of the President’s dinner and the Cardiff trip – no point in taking pics if they do not appear somewhere!! Surely you can do better than the solitary one of my rear as I delivered yet another toucher!!
And talking of Cardiff………….I am reliably informed by Frank O’Graham that Michael McCarney (Jnr) was seen trawling the gay bars of Liverpool in January. The pair had taken their sons over to watch a game of Association Football and while Mr. O’Graham retired with the two children to play a game of Twister in his bedroom, Mincing Michael, obviously still affected by his Cardiff experience ( new readers see an earlier blog ) took off on the pull. Michael…we are here for you son, we can help you with your gender issues. Just ask.
Competition of the week: How could the Club save over £1,000 a year? First correct answer wins a beverage of choice.
My thanks to Pat Butler MSc as ever for passing me on stuff. Most of it unfortunately has to be passed further on for inclusion in the Newsletter as it involves health related matters but one piece deserves mention here. I embellish it of course.
Chris Forsyth apparently had a little procedure which involved a camera being inserted to examine his interior bits. Now to you and me this would be a routine procedure which would have been carried out without further ado. Not our Christopher!
When he heard that a camera was involved, he demanded a director, a dressing room with flowers and fresh fruit, high spec lights, advertising rights and a second unit director who would film from a distance and merge the two takes into a spectacular with music by Adele. He also wanted a cut of the box office takes!!
Sadly the Ladies’ their Black and White Movie Nights have been curtailed after only one session. I have heard that some of the men would like their own movie night, but those suggested by Sean Grant are best left for the front parlour!!
Congratulations to Niall Walsh and his bride for copping a free two week stay in Jury’s hotel in Belfast City Centre. Wanna share with the group how you did it ?? You know how to treat a woman Niall!! Hope you are keeping better.
Stop Press:
The Bowling Committee has decided that the Club flag should only be flown on certain days of the year. This has been met by angry protests by the some sections of the Club as………….
A member of the Ladies Section enraged, caused traffic disruption by trying to turn right into Slemish Way without using indicators. The police, outnumbered, could only stand by and protect innocent passers by.
Liam Loughran went on hunger strike for twenty five seconds.